boys, boys, boys :)

I met a guy in june (let's call him CK).
We talked nonstop to each other for the whole month of june, I got to know him really good.
My intentions weren't to fall for this guy we were just going to be friends, but the more I talked to him the more I wished he was all mine.
In early july I decided to take the first step and ask him out. I thought that he would say no because of my age (I'm 16 he's 21) but surprisingly and amazingly he said yes. Our relationship is so perfect, he's a loving and very caring guy.
I can talk to him about every and anything, which leads me to my next topic.
I few weeks ago I told him about my eating disorder and how much I struggle with food, my weight, and my body image.
At first he was shocked, he stayed silent for about 10mins. He hugged me and asked me why I was doing this. I could feel his tears falling on my neck. He looked me in the eyes and said "I wish there was something I could do to help you" then I began to cry he held me close and kissed my forehead.
I told him "I know I need help and I've gone for help before and I relapsed, I know I still need help but I'm not ready to accept it. I hate and love what I've become, what I'm doing." He put his hands on my cheek and wiped away my tears, I couldn't look him in the eyes but he made me. He said "I love you and it hurts me to know that you don't see the beauty that I see in you, I can't force you to do anything, I can't force you to stop, I know you've struggled enough and I don't want you to have to struggle anymore, all I can truly do is accept this and offer as much help to you as I can. I know sooner or later you're going to realize you're a beautiful pure hearted girl and that you don't need this." Then he kissed me
I feel that telling CK this has made our relationship stronger. He doesn't judge me he really loves me.
I thought telling him this would change a lot I thought he would constantly check up on me to make sure I'm eating, and I thought he wouldn't trust me alone but he's not like that he really accepts me and he knows i'll seek help when I'm ready.

Have any of you girls or guys told your current or past significant others about your eating disorder? What was the out come? Did things change? Did they accept it or just judge you?

**I haven't posted any updates about the ABC Diet because I'm not on it anymore I made it to the half way mark (Day 25) and stopped I stopped for personal reasons that I do not wish to share right now**

beauty is in the eyes of the
h u n g r y<3

Days 1-5 on the Ana Boot Camp Diet (ABC Diet)

Days 1-5 were easy
Since I've done them b4
On my last failed attempt at this diet what did I eat you act?

Day 1:
-1 Fruit & walnut salad 210cals
-4 bottles of water 0cals

Day 2:
-1 Fruit & walnut salad 210cals
-2 bottles of diet coke 0cals
-2 bottles of water
-1 0cal jello (thank god for those)

Day 3:
-Fast

Day 4:
-Fast

(For days 3 & 4 I spent the whole day sleeping it was definitely much needed)

Day 5:
-5 Ritz crackers 80 cals
-1 bottle of water 0cals
-2 bottles of diet coke 0cals


I've been meditating and I've started doing yoga I feel so relaxed afterwards its like one on one time with ana like I just go in my room put on some soothing music and just bond with her

Next post will be on day 10 see you gals then <3

.Beauty.is.in.the.eyes.of.the.HUNGRY.and.STARVED.

My Experience on the Ana Boot Camp Diet (ABC Diet)

You can't start this diet if you aren't mentally strong, and that's where I made a huge mistake girls.

I went into this saying "oh if I cheat I can just add the day on to the end and make it up" that was my 1st mistake.

My second mistake was that I ate the wrong things I would say to myself "oh todays a 500cal day I can have some chips or a donut or some ice cream" and that was all wrong.

My 3rd mistake was I drank juice and fucking soda instead of water that was a huge fuck up on my 50cal days I would use them all up in a box of juice and spend the whole day fasting and wishing I never drank it.

My Fourth and final mistake is that I thought I would just lose weight with out working out which is a freakin noo noo.

As you can tell by reading this I didn't complete this diet...this was more of a wake up call for me.

I saw my dirty ways
I saw why I wasn't seeing results and why I kept fallin off track and binging.

I'm going on this diet again and this time there's no cheating and no games

I haven't looked at juice in like 3 weeks now I stopped eating junk and I went through my house and threw out all the candy and anything sweet I started running everyday in the morning even in the rain I run.

New Rules:
-ABSOLUTELY NO CHEATING
-RUNNING EVERY MORNING
-NO JUICE NO SODA
-ONLY WATER
-I WILL NOT GO WITHIN 10CALS OF THE CAL LIMIT FOR THAT DAY
(ex: if I can only have -50cals for the day i'll only have 40cals)
-I WILL NOT PUT ANYTHING NEAR MY LIPS UNLESS I KNOW THE EXACT AMOUNT OF CALORIES
-I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS DIET!!

IF ANY OF YOU GIRLS ARE GOING ON THIS DIET PLEASE CONTACT ME

<333Beauty is in the eyes of the HUNGRY.

10's the magic number

When i eat
i always divide it into 10 small pieces and chew 50 times till its all mush

i time myself when i eat
it usually takes me about 45 mins to eat something



my brother for some reason thats unknown kept following me around the house so i had to slightly full up my plate with cabbage

i only ate 5 things of cabbage they were a large size
about 3 or 4inches long

so that was 50 pieces total



im down to 150lbs
i still have a long way to go
i start work today
i really dont want to go but i need the money
for my diet pills and such
byee now

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STILL HUNGRY?!?!

this looks good??????
this is why we do what we do
so we dont look like those fat hogs

put down your forks
smile through those hunger pains
puke till you see blood
we want to be thin and beautiful





your scale is your best friend
it tells you the bare truth
it lets you know that youre fat and horrid





want fat thighs
want a fat face
want fat dripping from all over your body
well then eat up fat fucking cow





i hope you enjoy your nasty greasy food
want more food?
cant live through the stomach pains
and the hunger pains
remember a second on the lips
for ever on the hips
you fucking obese pig



ana and mia are here to help you
not turn out like those fat pigs
yes it hurts
but if it was easy painless and effertless than everyone would be doing it

starve on and be strong
dont end up like a fat sloppy cow

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its a "White" thing

When the words "anorexia" "bulimia" and "eating disorder" come to mind people usually think of
a young white middle class female

but thats not the case
eating disorders affect all races all classes and all genders

if u havent guessed it by now

I am a black female
and ive struggled with anorexia and bulimia for a long time now

in my culture skinny isnt pretty
everyone wants a big butt and big boobs
and i dont want that i want to be tiny and thin

growing up i was forceed to believe that big is beautiful when thats wrong big is horrible i was a typical black girl i was what they call "thick"
but that wasnt for me i looked in fashion mags
and i would cry wishing i was like a skinny model

i had the height of a model
but there was something missing
i cant model at 175lbs
i cant even live at 175lbs

im unhappy in this body

my mother is over 200lbs and everyone tells me
you have your mothers genes youll never be skinny
so stop trying

but theyre wrong...

my mom caught me throwing up one day and she didnt even stop to think "oh my god my child is throwing up her food" she just said "are you sick...the stomach virus is going around you know"

i hear this over and over again
"black girls dont have anorexia"
"thats a white thing"

theyre all wrong
its so lonely
and its even harder
when you constantly have people
shoving "soul food" "chinese food" and "greasey chicken" in your face

if i told my family i had anorexia the first thing they would say is
"are you trying to be white or something?"

thank god i have the power and the control i need
of else i couldnt make it thru life

i let my family get to me i let them feed me all that junk i let them fatten me up

but not anymore.....

**update**
i got a job and i start working soon so i can finally buy my diet pills and laxatives
this job is gonna be a text of my strength
because im gonna be working at a fast food restaurant but ill be working thru dinnere time so i can always say i ate at work

this summer is gonna be different from last summer


im stronger.im better.and im wiser.

the pic is of me at 156lbs
next picture to go up will be me at 146lbs.

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i need your help

this disease is killing me
but i refuse to stop
i look in the mirror and just think of ending it all
im tired of losing then gaining
this is enough im fucking fed up
this isnt even a matter of being thin anymore
i addicted to ana and mia and i cant stop
i wont stop
if any of you girls wanna be ana buddies (fasting buddies, mia buddies, or just someone to talk to, or for some support and motivation) msg me or cmnt on this entry and i'll give you my cell number and my aim, yahoo, gtalk, and my msn
i know what this disease can do to a person
it isolates you
all you want to do is talk about it
but if you talk to the wrong person then youll lose ana for ever
no one desearves to be alone
so if you ever want to talk i'll be there for you
just like you should be there for me
bye loves.....<3

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