its a "White" thing

When the words "anorexia" "bulimia" and "eating disorder" come to mind people usually think of
a young white middle class female

but thats not the case
eating disorders affect all races all classes and all genders

if u havent guessed it by now

I am a black female
and ive struggled with anorexia and bulimia for a long time now

in my culture skinny isnt pretty
everyone wants a big butt and big boobs
and i dont want that i want to be tiny and thin

growing up i was forceed to believe that big is beautiful when thats wrong big is horrible i was a typical black girl i was what they call "thick"
but that wasnt for me i looked in fashion mags
and i would cry wishing i was like a skinny model

i had the height of a model
but there was something missing
i cant model at 175lbs
i cant even live at 175lbs

im unhappy in this body

my mother is over 200lbs and everyone tells me
you have your mothers genes youll never be skinny
so stop trying

but theyre wrong...

my mom caught me throwing up one day and she didnt even stop to think "oh my god my child is throwing up her food" she just said "are you sick...the stomach virus is going around you know"

i hear this over and over again
"black girls dont have anorexia"
"thats a white thing"

theyre all wrong
its so lonely
and its even harder
when you constantly have people
shoving "soul food" "chinese food" and "greasey chicken" in your face

if i told my family i had anorexia the first thing they would say is
"are you trying to be white or something?"

thank god i have the power and the control i need
of else i couldnt make it thru life

i let my family get to me i let them feed me all that junk i let them fatten me up

but not anymore.....

**update**
i got a job and i start working soon so i can finally buy my diet pills and laxatives
this job is gonna be a text of my strength
because im gonna be working at a fast food restaurant but ill be working thru dinnere time so i can always say i ate at work

this summer is gonna be different from last summer


im stronger.im better.and im wiser.

the pic is of me at 156lbs
next picture to go up will be me at 146lbs.

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