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i gained 13lbs
theres nothing or no one to blame but myself
i went from 147lbs to 160lbs in 2 weeks
ive eaten myself to the point of puking up everything at
the table because my body couldnt hold it in
ive eaten to the point of putting myself in excruciating
pain from over stretching my stomach
i went from a pretty concave tummy to a nasty
pot belly but this is where it has to stop
wrestling season starts after thanksgiving and i
will be 130Lbs im tired of being the fat tall girl i wanna
be the super slim super sexy tall girl
ive noticed that when ever i stay away from pro ana sites, blogs, thinspo vids, and others sites then thats when i get off track so ive made it a MUST to fall asleep to pro ana sites and to wake up to pro ana sites ive made it a must that i would post post a blog weekly
ive made it a must to fast every other week n the weeks i eat it must be 400cals or less im so fucking frustrated with myself i feel like a failure i feel week n i kno i have no self control but that will so all change starting today Sunday October 3rd, 2010

lets eat....

I always write down what I eat and for the past 2 weeks all I've eaten is:

2 sugarfree extra watermelon flavored gum 5 cals each 10cals total

1 sugarfree 10 calorie jello
My fave flavors are raspberry and orange

1 45 calorie apple

0cal water n diet soda

85 Cals per day

I feel pretty good
I chew gum till around 3
Then at 3 I eat a jello

Then chew some more gum till
6 then at 6 I eat an apple

I don't eat before 3pm or after 7pm

Need a friend? Im here for you...

Here's my aim add me
I sign on every night
Or every other night

I'm here for you

AIM: PaperThinLovee

boys, boys, boys :)

I met a guy in june (let's call him CK).
We talked nonstop to each other for the whole month of june, I got to know him really good.
My intentions weren't to fall for this guy we were just going to be friends, but the more I talked to him the more I wished he was all mine.
In early july I decided to take the first step and ask him out. I thought that he would say no because of my age (I'm 16 he's 21) but surprisingly and amazingly he said yes. Our relationship is so perfect, he's a loving and very caring guy.
I can talk to him about every and anything, which leads me to my next topic.
I few weeks ago I told him about my eating disorder and how much I struggle with food, my weight, and my body image.
At first he was shocked, he stayed silent for about 10mins. He hugged me and asked me why I was doing this. I could feel his tears falling on my neck. He looked me in the eyes and said "I wish there was something I could do to help you" then I began to cry he held me close and kissed my forehead.
I told him "I know I need help and I've gone for help before and I relapsed, I know I still need help but I'm not ready to accept it. I hate and love what I've become, what I'm doing." He put his hands on my cheek and wiped away my tears, I couldn't look him in the eyes but he made me. He said "I love you and it hurts me to know that you don't see the beauty that I see in you, I can't force you to do anything, I can't force you to stop, I know you've struggled enough and I don't want you to have to struggle anymore, all I can truly do is accept this and offer as much help to you as I can. I know sooner or later you're going to realize you're a beautiful pure hearted girl and that you don't need this." Then he kissed me
I feel that telling CK this has made our relationship stronger. He doesn't judge me he really loves me.
I thought telling him this would change a lot I thought he would constantly check up on me to make sure I'm eating, and I thought he wouldn't trust me alone but he's not like that he really accepts me and he knows i'll seek help when I'm ready.

Have any of you girls or guys told your current or past significant others about your eating disorder? What was the out come? Did things change? Did they accept it or just judge you?

**I haven't posted any updates about the ABC Diet because I'm not on it anymore I made it to the half way mark (Day 25) and stopped I stopped for personal reasons that I do not wish to share right now**

beauty is in the eyes of the
h u n g r y<3

Days 1-5 on the Ana Boot Camp Diet (ABC Diet)

Days 1-5 were easy
Since I've done them b4
On my last failed attempt at this diet what did I eat you act?

Day 1:
-1 Fruit & walnut salad 210cals
-4 bottles of water 0cals

Day 2:
-1 Fruit & walnut salad 210cals
-2 bottles of diet coke 0cals
-2 bottles of water
-1 0cal jello (thank god for those)

Day 3:
-Fast

Day 4:
-Fast

(For days 3 & 4 I spent the whole day sleeping it was definitely much needed)

Day 5:
-5 Ritz crackers 80 cals
-1 bottle of water 0cals
-2 bottles of diet coke 0cals


I've been meditating and I've started doing yoga I feel so relaxed afterwards its like one on one time with ana like I just go in my room put on some soothing music and just bond with her

Next post will be on day 10 see you gals then <3

.Beauty.is.in.the.eyes.of.the.HUNGRY.and.STARVED.

My Experience on the Ana Boot Camp Diet (ABC Diet)

You can't start this diet if you aren't mentally strong, and that's where I made a huge mistake girls.

I went into this saying "oh if I cheat I can just add the day on to the end and make it up" that was my 1st mistake.

My second mistake was that I ate the wrong things I would say to myself "oh todays a 500cal day I can have some chips or a donut or some ice cream" and that was all wrong.

My 3rd mistake was I drank juice and fucking soda instead of water that was a huge fuck up on my 50cal days I would use them all up in a box of juice and spend the whole day fasting and wishing I never drank it.

My Fourth and final mistake is that I thought I would just lose weight with out working out which is a freakin noo noo.

As you can tell by reading this I didn't complete this diet...this was more of a wake up call for me.

I saw my dirty ways
I saw why I wasn't seeing results and why I kept fallin off track and binging.

I'm going on this diet again and this time there's no cheating and no games

I haven't looked at juice in like 3 weeks now I stopped eating junk and I went through my house and threw out all the candy and anything sweet I started running everyday in the morning even in the rain I run.

New Rules:
-ABSOLUTELY NO CHEATING
-RUNNING EVERY MORNING
-NO JUICE NO SODA
-ONLY WATER
-I WILL NOT GO WITHIN 10CALS OF THE CAL LIMIT FOR THAT DAY
(ex: if I can only have -50cals for the day i'll only have 40cals)
-I WILL NOT PUT ANYTHING NEAR MY LIPS UNLESS I KNOW THE EXACT AMOUNT OF CALORIES
-I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THIS DIET!!

IF ANY OF YOU GIRLS ARE GOING ON THIS DIET PLEASE CONTACT ME

<333Beauty is in the eyes of the HUNGRY.

10's the magic number

When i eat
i always divide it into 10 small pieces and chew 50 times till its all mush

i time myself when i eat
it usually takes me about 45 mins to eat something



my brother for some reason thats unknown kept following me around the house so i had to slightly full up my plate with cabbage

i only ate 5 things of cabbage they were a large size
about 3 or 4inches long

so that was 50 pieces total



im down to 150lbs
i still have a long way to go
i start work today
i really dont want to go but i need the money
for my diet pills and such
byee now

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