10's the magic number

When i eat
i always divide it into 10 small pieces and chew 50 times till its all mush

i time myself when i eat
it usually takes me about 45 mins to eat something



my brother for some reason thats unknown kept following me around the house so i had to slightly full up my plate with cabbage

i only ate 5 things of cabbage they were a large size
about 3 or 4inches long

so that was 50 pieces total



im down to 150lbs
i still have a long way to go
i start work today
i really dont want to go but i need the money
for my diet pills and such
byee now

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STILL HUNGRY?!?!

this looks good??????
this is why we do what we do
so we dont look like those fat hogs

put down your forks
smile through those hunger pains
puke till you see blood
we want to be thin and beautiful





your scale is your best friend
it tells you the bare truth
it lets you know that youre fat and horrid





want fat thighs
want a fat face
want fat dripping from all over your body
well then eat up fat fucking cow





i hope you enjoy your nasty greasy food
want more food?
cant live through the stomach pains
and the hunger pains
remember a second on the lips
for ever on the hips
you fucking obese pig



ana and mia are here to help you
not turn out like those fat pigs
yes it hurts
but if it was easy painless and effertless than everyone would be doing it

starve on and be strong
dont end up like a fat sloppy cow

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its a "White" thing

When the words "anorexia" "bulimia" and "eating disorder" come to mind people usually think of
a young white middle class female

but thats not the case
eating disorders affect all races all classes and all genders

if u havent guessed it by now

I am a black female
and ive struggled with anorexia and bulimia for a long time now

in my culture skinny isnt pretty
everyone wants a big butt and big boobs
and i dont want that i want to be tiny and thin

growing up i was forceed to believe that big is beautiful when thats wrong big is horrible i was a typical black girl i was what they call "thick"
but that wasnt for me i looked in fashion mags
and i would cry wishing i was like a skinny model

i had the height of a model
but there was something missing
i cant model at 175lbs
i cant even live at 175lbs

im unhappy in this body

my mother is over 200lbs and everyone tells me
you have your mothers genes youll never be skinny
so stop trying

but theyre wrong...

my mom caught me throwing up one day and she didnt even stop to think "oh my god my child is throwing up her food" she just said "are you sick...the stomach virus is going around you know"

i hear this over and over again
"black girls dont have anorexia"
"thats a white thing"

theyre all wrong
its so lonely
and its even harder
when you constantly have people
shoving "soul food" "chinese food" and "greasey chicken" in your face

if i told my family i had anorexia the first thing they would say is
"are you trying to be white or something?"

thank god i have the power and the control i need
of else i couldnt make it thru life

i let my family get to me i let them feed me all that junk i let them fatten me up

but not anymore.....

**update**
i got a job and i start working soon so i can finally buy my diet pills and laxatives
this job is gonna be a text of my strength
because im gonna be working at a fast food restaurant but ill be working thru dinnere time so i can always say i ate at work

this summer is gonna be different from last summer


im stronger.im better.and im wiser.

the pic is of me at 156lbs
next picture to go up will be me at 146lbs.

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i need your help

this disease is killing me
but i refuse to stop
i look in the mirror and just think of ending it all
im tired of losing then gaining
this is enough im fucking fed up
this isnt even a matter of being thin anymore
i addicted to ana and mia and i cant stop
i wont stop
if any of you girls wanna be ana buddies (fasting buddies, mia buddies, or just someone to talk to, or for some support and motivation) msg me or cmnt on this entry and i'll give you my cell number and my aim, yahoo, gtalk, and my msn
i know what this disease can do to a person
it isolates you
all you want to do is talk about it
but if you talk to the wrong person then youll lose ana for ever
no one desearves to be alone
so if you ever want to talk i'll be there for you
just like you should be there for me
bye loves.....<3

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